Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Night People

In the immortal words of Muttley, Rattzle-frattzle-fuzzle....!!

Today was another of those days that leaves me feeling like I accomplished little and was pulled and tugged in ten different directions all at the same time.

Brendan's on spring break and we had some fun just playing this morning. But over the last few days I feel I've spent an inordinate amount of time scolding and correcting him, yelling in frustration. Beckett has also pushed all my buttons. He's a climber and suddenly every moment he's awake is spent telling him no and getting him out of trouble. He bursts into tears every time I correct him and I feel like a heel.

Of course, it's 4:35 a.m. and I've been awake since 2:00 a.m. when Brendan came into our room for the 1000th night in a row it seems. I love my child, but it is so annoying to be woken every night by someone getting in your bed. In all honesty, many nights I don't even wake up, so he thinks it's okay. When he does wake me, it's annoying. He whines, sniffles, complains about some pain or thing that's keeping him awake...any excuse to be in our bed.

Beckett's teething, so he's waking up as well right now. They were both awake at the same time. Brendan's actually having allergy problems and I've had to give him his inhaler twice and change his sheets because he coughed so hard he threw up.

Everyone's finally back in bed and asleep, except me.

I guess I should use the time to figure out how Scott and I can celebrate our anniversary tonight.

I've been depressed all day because I used to have the time, freedom, and energy to focus on my husband, to celebrate our love and spend time thinking of ways to show him that I loved him.

Oh! The Joys!


Wendy said...

I feel ya, sister. Teething totally sucks. Zeke is going through it right now, and he's up every 2 hours during the night. He's fussy and constantly rubbing his gums and I feel so awful for him. And then I'm exhausted all day and totally unproductive and I feel guilty because I need to do laundry and go to the grocery store and straighten the house and I don't feeeeeeel like it.

Wendy said...

Oh! And happy anniversary, by the way! :)

Mimi said...

Oh! Dude, we should have been emailing at 4am, because I was in the same damn boat. Those midnight wakeups are the worst: you think you're done with all that and then BOOM! Ack. I'm sorry.

And I know how you feel about neglecting your husband. I really miss being able to just be about being in love with my husband, being a couple, being a wife. But I figure we'll be retired someday, and at least we'll have lots to talk about from these years ...

Aleta said...

I'm amazed at how parents cope. I don't have children, though have always wanted a family. It seems it's a blessing I'm meant to do without and then I read about 2am wake up calls and think, "I still have the time, freedom and energy to share with Greg" ~ so I'll treasure it.

The good news is that children get older *smiles* And Happy Anniversary!

Dawn said...

You all don't know what your comments mean to me.

Thank each of you. Each one of you, in your own way and words, touched my heart and made me feel as if there are others who understand. I'm not crazy or horrible for feeling the way I do.

I think there are so many people who always tell you that your children should come first. Yet, I think that's why so many marriages fail. I think women, either instinctively or because we're told we should by the media, always put the kids above our partners, and then, when they feel needful and neglected, other problems creep in because we're not communicating in the ways we once did.

We get tired and angry and frustrated and focus that anger on our partners instead of finding a healthier means of expression.

It's challenging.

I feel that in the course of being a new mom and having Brendan, I did neglect my husband a little too much and I don't want to be in that boat again where we feel disconnected.

Right now, I feel as much in love as I ever have and I don't want to lose that. I want to have the energy and to feel like I'm still an interesting person with my own ideas and interests and pursuits.

Having kids doesn't make all that impossible, but it does become much more of an issue of time to balance it all.

I'm rambling, but thanks, y'all! I needed the love today!

And Aleta...It's not all doom and gloom. Really. It's easy to vent about the negative just to have a release, but I think we tend to hold on to all the joyful moments for fear of their fading away once we've shared them. Mothering a child really is a joy and I hope you find a way to experience it. Remember that it doesn't have to be to a child you've given birth to...I've known several families who have either adopted or fostered children or even just given their time as mentors and Big Brothers/Sisters who have found great wonder and joy in the relationships they've built with children.

Jeremy said...

I hope you're both able to enjoy your anniversary.

I pray my boys will sleep through the night, every night. There may be more important things to worry about, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Oh, and how about the people whose kids sleep until 8:00 or 9:00 on the weekends? I can't stand those people, and I'm related to some of 'em!

Not that this helps, but I must note that there is something incredibly freaky about seeing a kid cough so hard s/he pukes. The first few times it happened with Nathan, I was waiting for his head to start spinning. Now, when his coughing starts to get intense, we just scoop him up and make a beeline for the bathroom.

Kids certainly make life unpredictable.

Suz said...

I totally agree that you have to try to make your marriage a priority..D's therapist has said that to him many times, that their complete neglect of their relationship as a couple and total focus on the children (i.e., they always did everything as a family, never any trips alone, hardly even any meals alone) is probably why his first marriage failed.

That said, you can't REALLY do that until they're a little older, right?

You're doing a great job and are a fabulous mother AND wife!!

Aleta said...

Thank you, Dawn, for your response. I appreciate you words and I've been thinking about the Big Brothers/Sisters program. Greg and I have also talked about adoption, but I get a little nervous with the various unknown factors. I have thyroid problems and the doctors don't think I'd be able to carry to full term, so in vetro isn't a good option either.

It's good to know it's not all doom and gloom *smiles* I think you're blessed with your children. That said, I TOTALLY agree with you that society puts too much pressure on the parenting and not enough on the health of the marriage. It has to be difficult to find a balance, but I believe it can be done.