Saturday, February 9, 2008

Sick of Me

I hate being overemotional.

I used to think I was just a really passionate, caring person. But now, I wish I could be more analytical and robotic by nature.

Anyway, I really think that having this low-grade sickness, sinus infection, crud, or what-the-hell-ever it is for the last three weeks while taking care of two boys who've slept irregularly for the last three weeks (although it has improved dramatically this week! Yay for sleep!), has taken its toll and also contributed to my spaz-fest.

I mean, really? Who sits around thinking about being alone when they could take joy in their friendships, their partner, their beautiful children, their wonderful life.

And I have been thinking about all those things.

I have felt on top of the world the last week or so. I am working on writing some articles to submit to various publications. I'm making new friends and building relationships. I'm in touch with a ton of old friends from high school (thank you My Space!) and my darling cousin who was like a sister to me growing up.

I don't know why I would spin out like that.

I'm sorry God. I'm sorry Universe. I'm sorry Scott. I'm sorry all my dear friends that I take for granted. I'm sorry my darling sons.

I promise to do better. To focus on all the goodness and joy. To be the person I want to be. Happy and grateful.


Suz said...

You're being WAY too hard on yourself, as usual!

rennratt said...

We all have times like that.

Really. I promise.

Being sick and running on little sleep surely compounded the issue.

I'm glad you're feeling better and doing things that make you happy!

Love you!

Dawn said...

Thanks, y'all. I think back to the person I used to be and I used to be so damned chipper and upbeat all the time. Even when things were rotten in my life, I could always see the silver lining. I felt lucky all the time.

I guess I think we all kind of create our own magic and somewhere along the way, I turned into a whiny bitch, so to speak. I just want to be more like that girl I used to be that everyone loved being around.

merlotmom said...

I have been meaning to comment since the post before this one. I know how you feel - been there, done that, doing it again... I, too, have been on top of the world for a while and suddenly feel my insides shifting to a darker, less pleasant place. I'm trying to remember where I was before, realize that , for me, maybe it's the hormones (I am 46 and on my way to the big M) and allow myself to ride this one out. Keep going, you're not alone. Sharing it helps.