Thursday, May 3, 2007

Yellow Leaves

The first conversation of my day went like this:

Brendan: Mommy, what if I were a leaf? And I fell of the tree and floated down to the ground?
Me: I'd watch you float down and be proud of what a beautiful leaf you turned out to be. And I'd miss you.
Brendan: No, Mommy. You're a leaf, too.
Me: Oh. Then, I'd fall off the tree and float away with you.
Brendan: Yeah. I love all the leaf-es...especially the Mommy and Daddy and Beckett leaf-es.

Just remembering that moment is like a big, warm hug.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Happiness Runs

The last week or so has found me in a very strange place mentally. I haven't blogged much because much of what I was feeling was dark. I was in a really scared and lonely place and didn't feel the need to subject the world at large to what was going on. I talked through a couple of things with Scott, with Suzanne, and with Jeremy. I don't know that I found any answers, but I found it incredibly comforting to know that I have people who care about me in my life. I'm lucky.

Obviously, a lot of what was going on with me has to do with the loss of my friend's baby. I keep replaying the moment, six days before Claire died, when I joked with my friend that she had a daughter for both of my sons. Her daughter Emily is just a month or two younger than Brendan and Claire was two months younger than Beckett. Emily and her older sister are both beautiful, but Emily is a real charmer with a smile that lights up the room while her older sister maintains that oldest child seriousness much of the time. I just keep imagining the beautiful, sweet child Claire might have become.

So, that combined with hearing from someone I care about that I'm really selfish and a bad friend, along with seeing a bunch of old college friends, has made me start taking stock of my life and some of the things I'd like to do but haven't yet.

I'm giving serious consideration to running in a half-marathon as a result. Of course, I've only been considering it for the last 24 hours or so after receiving an e-mail about this organization from my friend Susan. Susan suggested that members of our college class run the Nike Women's Half-Marathon in San Francisco together. It just struck me as a really cool goal to set for myself. A place to get to.

The problem is that I do not run. I've never been much of an athlete, but I'm thinking that can change. Maybe it should change.

Any runners out there who'd like to offer an opinion? Any advice on how to get started? Should I try to run with the 55 lbs. worth of kids plus a 20 lb. jogging stroller or without? Am I crazy to think I can start running now when I never have before?

Let me know what y'all think...

Monday, April 30, 2007

April Come She Will: The Perfect Post Awards

It's that time again...the beginning of the month and time for the Perfect Post Awards.

My nominee for April is this post, written by A. at A., Woman of Independent Means.

In the post, A. describes the remarkable journey from dreaming a child to nurturing it as she celebrates her sixth anniversary as a mother. I believe her description of her personal journey to and through the process of birthing and breastfeeding two children holds a very valuable lesson for anyone who is a mother, wants to be a mother, or loves a mother.

Motherhood is a blessing. But it is a blessing that requires commitment and self-sacrifice which often goes unnoticed and unrecognized by society and even by the people around us. While motherhood often exposes us to challenges we never considered, it also holds the promise of great personal accomplishment as we surmount obstacles and achieve goals we never realized we had set for ourselves. Rather than downplaying those accomplishments as women (especially mothers) are wont to do, it is important to acknowledge, recognize, and celebrate those personal successes just as we would celebrate the achievement of goals in other realms of our life. Important to our own self-worth and important to other mothers everywhere whose work is often overlooked and under-appreciated.

Fair play to you, A....for your personal accomplishments and for helping the rest of us realize that the goals we set and reach as mothers (even the goals we didn't realize we had) matter as much as other accomplishments.

You can check out all the Perfect Post nominees over at Suburban Turmoil or Petroville.