Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I Had a Real Good Mother & Father

So, after writing my earlier post and getting my fears out in the open and out of my system (for the most part), I read this post over on A.'s blog. I'm certainly not as extreme as the parents described in the article, but I definitely have my moments of overparenting as evidenced by, oh, about half the posts on this blog.

Like A., I, too, read every parenting book I could get my hands on and wondered how anyone could not have an opinion on certain parenting issues. I don't really care what anyone's opinion is, necessarily, but I do feel like a certain amount of thoughtfulness should be applied to parenting. Unfortunately, for me, I feel like I went too far, weighing every decision like my child's life (and my reputation as a parent) depended on it.

Having Beckett has definitely mellowed me. I don't have time to weigh each and every choice I make. Sometimes I have to give Brendan cold cereal for breakfast. Sometimes he watches too much t.v. Sometimes he stays up too late. But I'm not beating myself up for those choices any more. I don't even feel like they're mistakes anymore. They are just a few options among many.

As I've said before, most of the parents I know are just trying to do the best job they can. It has taken me a while to get here, and I'm sure I may backslide, but for now at least, I feel like we're doing okay. Brendan may never have taken a single Gymboree or Kindermusik or other class. But he's happy. And he has a fantastic imagination and wickedly funny sense of humor.

Now, if I can control my impulse to project onto my boys the qualities that I admire and which drive me, we may just be okay after all.

Dizzy Miss Lizzy

Do you ever have so much going on (in your life, in your head, in your heart) that you just don't know what to write about or where to begin?

That's kind of...No, that is how I feel right now.

We've been so busy and active the last few weeks. Scott's music. I've had a freelance project or two. I'm still working on the wedding I'm directing in June. I'm trying to figure out what to do for childcare this summer so I can work while Brendan's not in preschool. My 15-year college reunion is this weekend and I kind of forgot about it. I knew it was coming, but it snuck up on me.

I'm also trying to convince myself that sending Brendan to a public 5-day pre-K program in the fall is the right thing to do even though I want to keep him a baby, my baby, for as long as possible. I feel like 5-day public school will be the death knell for his innocence. I sound like a snob, but I really don't want my baby being exposed to a bunch of ruffian bad boys and I think that's what most boys aged 5-12 tend to be. And those are exactly the kids he'll be around at public school. Brendan is sweet and thoughtful and sensitive and I don't want that taken away from him, nor do I want him bullied for having those traits.

The other option is to keep him in the private preschool where he is now for pre-K. I guess I should do a pro-con list. Our neighborhood school really is excellent. I guess I'm just being a worried, overprotective mama.

And in other news...Both the boys have been super cute and sweet. Beckett really is taken with his older brother. It's absolutely the sweetest thing I've ever seen. If Beckett is crying and I can't get him to settle, Brendan will say, Maybe he wants me. And lo and behold if that baby doesn't stop crying and break out into the biggest grin you've ever seen when big brother comes around. I love it. It really is so beautiful to see the love growing between the two of them. And it makes Brendan so happy to think that he's responsible for helping make his brother happy. Who knew?

For the most part, things are good. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk about, but just can't. I can't put that much of myself out there right now. Maybe someday.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

This is How It Goes

Scott played his last show for a few weeks last night at Inman Perk, a coffeehouse in the Inman Park neighborhood. His show was great; he played two songs he hadn't played live in 10 years and sounded great. His harmonica playing was fantastic. The only issue was the actual space. It's not entirely conducive to good listening, the floor space was weird. I don't know. I guess I need to figure out what I'm doing in terms of booking for the next round of shows and check places out a little more thoroughly. The next show is a house concert and I'm looking forward to that one. But, as far as last night goes I'll just chalk it up to a learning experience.

It just had the feeling of a weird night for me. Or rather, it was a weird night.

The group of friends who came out to see Scott play was interesting. Scott's cousin and her husband; an old co-worker of Scott's and his wife; a former bandmate and wife; plus two of Scott's current friends from work. Oh, and Scott's friend Mark. It was pretty cool to have such an interesting mix of people brought together. As always, it was great to see folks we haven't seen in a while. But it was also a little stressful bringing such a diverse crowd together. You never know if people will click or if it will be silent and awkward. Fortunately, no fist fights erupted and everyone seemed to enjoy his or herself.

Today was rough. I was tired and weepy for no obvious reason. I guess it's hormones. I don't know what else it could be.

Oh, but tomorrow is another day. Let's just see how it goes.