Friday, January 13, 2006

Goals for the New Year

Perhaps because it falls so close to the beginning of the year, I have found in recent years, that my birthday has become the time that I ponder what lies ahead and try to set some goals for myself. Last year, I was fairly successful getting in better shape and losing some weight. Of course, I stalled out after a while.

So, what are this year's goals?

Well, I'd like to lose even more weight and have a more defined and toned body. I think I'll start with the Stripilates workout. All the reviews I've read of it are really positive. I just want to feel sexy again and I think this might help.

Next, I'd like to adopt a more positive outlook and just generally allow myself to be happier. I'll have to figure out how exactly to accomplish that. I'll get back to you with more concrete ideas when I have them.

Of course, getting Brendan potty trained is a major goal and I do think it might decrease my tension level once it's done. Right now, I'm following some of the ideas found on Dr. Greene's site.

And finally, one of my major goals is for Scott and I to spend more time together alone. It can be a weekly date night. It can (please, oh, please!) be a weekend trip. Whatever it is, we need it. The couple of hours we get each night after Brendan is in bed and before I crash, just aren't enough. I miss the way things used to be with my husband. I know having children changes that dynamic, but I am determined not to fall into the "mommy trap." wherein I sacrifice everything, including my marriage and my sanity, for the sake of my children.

Truly, a believe that a happy, thriving marriage makes mommy a better mommy, daddy a better daddy, and the kids will benefit as much as anyone else.

Happy Birthday to Me!

For me, birthdays have always been a mixed blessing. Part celebration, part time to mourn.

As a child, I mourned the fact that I didn't have parties and get fabulous gifts the way so many other kids did. I hated my mom for that, thinking her inept and insensitive. Now, as an adult planning my son's birthday parties, I realize the effort and expense that goes into them and I know that it would have been terribly difficult for a single mom working two jobs to make ends meet to pull it off.

She tried a couple of times. When I was in kindergarten she made a cake and brought it to school for my class. My poor clueless, selfish mom. She made some kind of banana nut cake from a mix that happened to be her favorite. None of the other kids liked it and I'm sure they teased me about it. Another year, she actually made cupcakes. That year, my birthday fell on Friday the 13th and it snowed so heavily school was closed. I cried so hard. My one chance to feel normal and fate snatches it away from me.

In the years since, I have vowed not to let triskaidekaphobia rob me of my fun and have made many a concerted effort to have the Friday birthdays be the best!

So, here we are today...Friday, January 13, 2006. I'm 36 today and waffling between mourning the 30s that have flown by so quickly and celebrating this wonderful life I have!

Thankfully, my amazing husband doesn't let me feel mopey for long. He and our sweet boy gave me my gifts last night (Dior's Pure Poison perfume set with bath gel and lotion and an amazing Henri Bindel Quince scented candle!) and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me. In fact, Brendan has been singing it to me all week. He keeps asking about my party. It's darling really.

The best gift, really, has been all the love and tender support Scott has shown me this week. I had an amazing job interview for a sales job at the site where he and I got married, Primrose Cottage. The sales manager loved me and offered me the job on the spot. Scott indulged me while I fantasized about nannies and housekeepers and a life outside this house before turning the job down because it didn't pay enough.

Last night, when I had a moment of sadness accepting the fact that I'm closer to 40 than 30 now and thinking of all I don't have and haven't done, he reminded me that at that moment I was younger and older than at any other point in my life. And as a simple as that sounds, that means a lot to me.

Then, of course, I also have the words of Pierce Brosnan, which Scott shared with me in my birthday card last year: "To my eye, women get sexier around 35. They know a thing or two, and knowledge is always alluring."

When I think about all I do have, the gifts and blessings that have come to me, I know what a lucky woman I am and I am so grateful! A sweet, thoughtful husband, a precious son, my beautiful dog and crazy cat, a warm, safe, beautiful house, friends, family, the life that lies ahead of me.

So, here's to 36! It's better than the alternatives!