Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Like School on Saturday

I finally talked to Scott's stepmother. It's only been five months since she threw Brendan and me out of her house.

She called to say that she really cares about us and feels bad that she let things go so long without us talking. She never apologized for her behavior. She never apologized for criticizing my child or my parenting. It was awkward. But, I bit my tongue.

Scott and his dad have actually talked a few times in the last month and his dad has been very gracious and supportive about Scott's music. I see that their relationship is moving forward and I am willing to bite my tongue and do what I need to do to have a relationship with the stepmother so that Scott can have a relationship with his dad.

Of course, I'm worried about my children. I would love for them to have a wonderful and loving relationship with their grandparents, especially since I have no parents to bring to the table, as it were. I simply don't know if that will ever be possible with Scott's stepmother. Until this summer, I thought it was. But my trust with her has been corrupted.

And it doesn't help matters that she has zero tact. She has repeatedly made comments about my mother's alcoholism. My mother was practically a tea-totaller. I think I saw her drink twice in my life. She had many problems, but alcoholism was not one of them.

Her other favorite topic is my weight. I'm not really that big, though I am considerably larger than my stepmother-in-law. She literally weighs about 98 lbs. and is probably 5'5" or so. Skeletal comes to mind as the perfect description of her.

Naturally, she asked me during our conversation yesterday if I was as big as you got with Brendan. Wow! What composure it took not to hang up. I did choke on shocked laughter before I could answer her. Who asks a question like that?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to deal with this woman, but really, what choice do I have? I don't want to be the bitch who comes between a man and his dad. But, I don't know how long I can keep my feelings inside.

Maybe it's hormones, but today has been hellish and I feel like talking to Julie just opened up an emotional floodgate that I didn't need right now. But, hey! Here I am. I'll just have to wake up and hope tomorrow is a better day.


Christopher said...

What if you had just answered her question about your weight, and added something like, thanks for asking. Actually, I'm feeling sensitive about it It's hard for me to even talk about it with you because...etc.? in other words, to share your feelings but without attacking her either?

If you sensed that she was trying to put you down rather than empathize, then maybe it's because she feels overly sensitive about her own appearance.

maybe if you can make room for some artist dates or similar activities for yourself more regularly, and/or better organize your "errand/chore" time, then you might feel be able to focus on your son when you are playing with him, rather than thinking of other things? although i don't know if every moment with one's child should require one's complete undivided attention. i don't think it's wrong to mentally multi-task at times.

i'm sure you are doing great and ups and downs are completely natural in your situation.

dawn said...

Thanks for the feedback. You're right that I need to approach J. with more forgiveness. It's very hard for me because I feel like I've reached out to her because it's so important that my kids have a relationship with their grandparents.

I just wonder at what cost that's coming.

As far as clearing out the cobwebs of my mind and being better able to focus, you make a nice suggestion. Unfortunately, organization has never been my strong suit. I get a system going for a while and then something changes and it all falls apart.

I think right now it all just comes down to the range of emotions and hormonal imbalances of being pregnant.

Anyway, thanks so much for your great ideas and feedback.